Couples Therapy & Intensives.

Research consistently shows that healthy intimate relationships are vital to overall physical health and emotional well-being. While all relationships have conflict, sometimes we get stuck in repeated negative patterns that result in arguments, disagreements, and disconnection. These cycles may leave partners feeling unheard, unimportant, dismissed, unappreciated, or maybe unloved. When this pain persists, it’s common for couples to experience intense negative emotional reactions, complete withdrawal, or even ambivalence.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a highly effective form of therapy, created by Dr. Sue Johnson, that focuses on individuals and couples improving their understanding of themselves and each other. EFCT allows couples to deepen their emotional connection, manage obstacles, understand the “root” cause of their disconnection, and foster greater emotional safety.

For those of you who are new to couples counseling, this can be an overwhelming process. Although couples counseling is effective, you and/or your partner will likely experience uncomfortable feelings like sadness, guilt, anxiety, anger, loneliness, and helplessness. Difficulties between the two of you may even become temporarily amplified, and this is normal. However, this elevated pain is likely short-lived. EFCT often leads to a significant reduction in distress, resolution of specific problems, and a stronger connection. In many situations, it moves couples away from feeling that their relationship has ended, to a renewed sense of commitment, connection, and hope.

Also, couples who are not ready to “call it quits” report that couples counseling is a tremendously helpful way to strengthen their bond and prevent future disconnection.

Historically, couples therapy is scheduled for one hour per week, or sometimes less frequently. Although couples report considerable progress in weekly EFCT, repair and re-connection may be slower than a couple desires. For that reason, couples who request to work with me will first engage in a “Couples Therapy Intensive” (CTI), which is typically three consecutive days (approximately 14-16 hours) where we work together to identify your communication patterns, common conflicts, the root of these conflicts, each partner’s unmet needs, unhelpful response patterns, and how to repair. The therapy intensive helps couples reduce tension and reactive responses, while repairing and increasing connection more quickly. More importantly, these therapy intensives help couples “restructure” how partners perceive each other, which often softens the negative cycle.

One may expect considerable improvement with communication, hopefulness, understanding, and closeness. To maintain this progress, couples are offered monthly maintenance sessions (every 4-6 weeks), which are scheduled for 2-4 hours, depending on the need of the couple. These maintenance sessions are optional, although depending on the severity of disconnection, they are recommended.

There are a few instances where a couple should consider focusing on individual therapy and/or postponing a couples therapy intensive. If any of the following apply to you, or if you’re not sure whether the below applies to you, reach out and we can discuss further during a consultation call.

• Active (or very recently active) thoughts to hurt yourself or another person (e.g., suicidal or homicidal thoughts)
• Active (or very recently active) self-harm behaviors (e.g., cutting, burning, or punching yourself)
• If you are currently living in a home where you have an active physical threat to your safety
• High levels of substance use
• Untreated psychosis or bipolar disorder
• Severe organic brain disorder
• If you are physically too unwell and fatigue very quickly
• If you dissociate and/or engage in dangerous behaviors while dissociative

If you’re interested in couples therapy, simply reach out via email (drshantipepper@gmail.com) to schedule a consultation call. This is typically a 20 -30 minute call aimed to answer your questions, assess whether you and your partner are ready, and explore if I am a good fit.